First Day of School

If I walked away with anything today, it was the beautiful, amazing, sobering revelation of the decades of sacrifices (by many) it took to provide - for me, today - the atmosphere and legacy of revival that now is mine to inherit (and 1,500 other students). The story of revival today at Bethel is as such because of a rich history of radical believers who have kept the fires burning at the altar!! Thank you God for their dedication and sacrifice to you.

I have been studying this move of God and this house for over a year now, and I can tell you that being there and hearing some of the same words I've heard before in person really changes things. The intensity of the atmosphere and the electricity that brings every word home to me just seemed to awaken every part of my being. This is what it must be to feel truly alive, engulfed in passion and determination and assurance that I am following after that which my heart desires.

Today, I saw and felt glimpses of who I am to be. I saw and felt things about myself that I've never felt before. A higher level of self worth somehow wrapped in humility overcame me today - in the face of a great move of God I saw and felt my own greatness in the kingdom and did not allow one iota of doubt or shame or accusation interrupt what God was trying to show me in myself.

Every step I've taken to get where I am; every person who encouraged me, supported me, sowed in to me, opposed me, every opportunity given, every prayer, every piece of counsel or advice - every bit of it was necessary to bring me to this point in my journey.

I have never felt the closeness that outrageous honor brings to an atmosphere before. I came away with my heart shouting - I want the passion this man has!! I want to walk in the honor he bestows every place he goes!! I must have it at any cost!!

I know that my job (privilege) is to prepare my heart to be wrecked by God. To prepare myself for goodness I've never experienced before. My heart longs for it, to receive it, be activated in it, and carry it wherever I go. My heart aches to take His goodness to those who have lived with counterfeit goodness their entire lives and to watch their faces transform in the revelation of who God is and how much he loves them.

I am preparing my heart (as best I can) to be spoiled by My Daddy; a loving Father, ruler of all creation, who has every spiritual gift and blessing assigned for me - not because of who I am - but because of who Christ says I am. I am a King and a Priest to God, a royal heir to the Throne of God.

I can't even express to you how amazing it is to feel this way. I look back at when I was a young girl. I had such huge dreams, and yet the enemy had put such a heavy yoke of unworthiness and shame on me for daring to even entertain thoughts of greatness. All my life I have struggled in this tug-of-war, half of me wanting and needing to believe that I could be all the things that were inside of me, the other half beating myself down before I could even try. And you know the funny thing? It really is funny because I would not trade one moment of any of that loneliness and brokenness for what I'm about to walk into. The funny part is that the devil really screwed the pooch, so to speak. He really should have taken me out when he had the chance, because it's on like Donkey Kong now!!

I am his worst nightmare!! Every second I get to testify to God's goodness in my life, how he's transformed(ing) me from extreme brokenness to absolute fullness - man I feel the power of my testimony; the pain it took to occupy the power of it is so real to me - and I count every bit of it as joy. Every moment crying on my pillow - joy. Every failed attempt, relationship - whatever; JOY!! Because I know that I know that I know that every single thing the enemy used to try to destroy me has now become my greatest areas of victory in the Lord! I feel it as real as I can feel my own hands.

I know that I am only at the beginning of an eternal ongoing revelation of God's love for me... if the first taste is this sweet.... look out world!! Come on!!! The battle I live in today is waged in my mind - what I believe about myself and the creator who made me determines my outcome in every situation. It really is that simple; but not easy. Practice makes perfect. I came to Bethel most of all to feel honor. To see it, taste it, smell it, become it. To learn to walk in God's heart for ALL mankind; not just Christians, or those I deem worthy enough. That's what honor is to me - seeing people through God's eyes and treating them in a way that reflects what you're seeing - the fully redeemed person that will be; just like me..... someday. I want others to treat me that way. What a terrible, misguided point of arrogance I have lived in for so many years expecting that, but never giving it. But the deeper truth is that honor comes from God and feeling honored comes from that realization; that regardless of how anyone treats you, "you being rooted and established in love" knowing who we are in Christ Jesus gives us the (supernatural) power to walk in honor even when others aren't giving us any.

SO excited to be here. I love you all so much. Thank you for following with me through this great adventure. xxoo