It's been a while since I updated everyone on my adventures here in Redding, so I thought now would be a good time. This past week has been life-changing for me in so many ways.
God has been speaking to me about my identity and speaking to me in dreams. Last Friday, an intern for the Prosperous Soul classes came over to my house to help me work on a budget, but we ended up working on heart issues. The things that were coming up for me were areas I'd already dealt with, but apparently God wanted to do more surgery. I was surprised at how tender I got right away with issues from my childhood and about my dad. The intern said, "I don't usually do this but I want to invite Holy Spirit to come in and rewire these memories for you." And as she was saying that, I saw Father God's finger and the tip of it was covered in flame and he began touching my heart in all these places, cauterizing the wounds. Soon there were dozens of these big, ugly scars forming inside my chest. I heard God say I want to leave these scars. I asked him why and he said here, I'll show you.
He took me back and we zoomed out on my chest and he began to move the scars around and formed a beautiful portrait out of them. My only response was wow. It blew me away. If it's not obvious, I could really see more intimately than I ever have before how God is able to take the darkest things in our lives and transform them into something beautiful. I felt like in that moment, he was showing me that as horrible as some of those experiences were, they are what has in part shaped me over the years and has given birth to so many passions and cries in my own heart for justice and truth in these areas. Amazing.
Since I got here in Redding last fall, I've been having reoccurring dreams about having a baby or giving birth. Last Saturday night was the third dream now about that. In the dream, I wasn't visibly pregnant, but I gave birth to two babies, twins, a boy and a girl. The girl I wanted nothing to do with; someone came and took her from me right away and I felt like she didn't belong to me. I then turned my focus on to the boy, and I remember such love and affection overwhelming me for the boy. Then the dream ended. I woke up like, what the crap? Because I love kids and babies and would never reject a girl. I was like what in the world does this dream mean? So the next day I met with my small group and told them about it and they prayed for God to reveal the meaning to me. After they prayed, my mind was taken to my pregnancies with both of my boys and I saw myself say that I was glad I was having a boy (each time) and I said that I thought raising a daughter to have a healthy self-esteem was impossible. I felt compelled to repent for believing that lie and I also repented of the lie that it was somehow bad or less than to be a girl. At the time, I didn't know why I was prompted to do that, other than God revealing to me a lie.
Tuesday comes and I'm sitting and listening to something, music or a sermon, and I have this picture come to my mind out of nowhere. It was a picture that was taken before I was born. I've seen this picture before in a photo album many times in my life. It's a picture of my older sister Rachel, and she's standing next to my bassinet. The bassinet is blue. I remember the story my mother told me about it, that they were expecting me to be a boy - they had bought all boy stuff. Now let me be clear; I can never remember a time as a child or adult where my mother ever said she'd wished I was a boy. The next thing my mind goes to is a flashback to my teen years. I went through this phase where I hated my body and used to wear boys clothes - oversized t-shirts and jeans or pants. And immediately, something rose up in my spirit and I knew instinctively the interpretation to the dream.
The twins in the dream are me. The baby girl represents subconsciously my belief that all women hate themselves and even the best of mothers aren't able to help their daughters grow up loving themselves. The baby boy represents the age-old lie of that serpent, "whose enmity is between him and womankind", that men are superior to women, that men are favored and honored above women. That the natural tendencies of women are some how less valued or respected than those of men. The tricky part here is that both of these "lies" have been experientially true, not just for me, but for the most people on the planet since the fall of man in the garden of Eden. But I now know that it has NEVER been God's heart for women and that's not his heart for me.
God revealed this lie in my life so that I could be free to another level. For those who know me, you know I've been fighting this battle my whole life, for identity and significance as a woman, to discover what real beauty is, how to walk in that and release that wherever I go. The twins in the dream are also the true me that God is trying to reveal and the lie me that the enemy has been trying to get me to agree with even before I was born. The idea that strikes me to the core is that we have a real enemy, and that he has plans and purposes for our lives, just like God does. Those plans and purposes are sickness, destruction and death, because that's the path he has chosen for himself. But just like God revealed to me in the scar illustration, his plans and purposes for me are eternal and unmovable; the goodness he has planned for my life can never be take away from me, unless I never see them, know about them, and never agree with them.
So thrity-something years of my life I spent not knowing about and really "getting" the idea of this. I let the abuse and pain of my life give birth and marry entitlement to my wrong-sufferings to produce bitterness, anger, depression and confusion in my life. I thought if there was a God and he was good, how could he let these things happen to me and to those I love. It was never God's plan to rescue me from the plans of the enemy so I could escape them. It was his plan for me find him, to come to him willingly, to give up all that I am to him so that I could gain all that he is. And from that position I would be empowered with his grace and love to overcome any and every obstacle, not just for my own freedom but for the freedom of the whole world. Imagine an army of Christ-believers who know this and understand this to their core; who are so centered in their identity in God that they can endure the blessings and curses of life and remain in control of themselves; powerful, free and responsible, breaking down the chains of the enemy, freeing the prisoners and setting the captives free.
The more God reveals to me about myself, the more in love I fall with the idea of me, who I was created to be, and with the "Who" who created me. I don't regret one single moment or experience of my life, because the very things sent to destroy me have become my greatest areas of victory. God is not surprised; it was his plan all along. I feel this dream is not just for me, but it's a prophetic message to every woman and man who has ears to hear. God is calling his daughters forth. He created us to be beautiful and strong and nurturing and wise and powerful and gentle and creative and emotional. God is calling forth his sons, to embrace the power and beauty of women; to celebrate their differences, to honor their bodies and their hearts, to acknowledge and value the differences that set us apart from them, and by making a place at the table, not for us to replace them but to co-reign with them as God intended all along.
Thursday, March 20, 2014
Sunday, February 2, 2014
MEDITATION ON JOHN 3:19-21
The true test of a follower of Christ is not necessarily shown by the absence of sin, but by a fierce love and commitment toward the light. A willingness - constantly recommitted, moment to moment, day to day - to submit every thought, word and deed to the cleansing power of the purest light in the universe, exposes that which was hidden, rendering it powerless.
Through the simple act of lifting up my darkest thoughts, my worst words and my most selfish deeds into the light that is Christ, everything that does not reflect light loses it's power and cannot stand in opposition to the righteousness of God. The perfection that the apostle Paul talked about is not being without sin in and of itself, but in the voluntary process of submitting our darkness to the light until it is no more.
"And this is the judgement: the light has come into the world, and people loved the darkness rather than the light because their works were evil. For everyone who does wicked things hates the light and does not come to the light, lest his works should be exposed. But whoever does what is true comes to the light so that it may be clearly seen that his works have been carried out in God."
That's the conundrum. No one who does evil wants the light to hit those things. So the difference between a pure heart and an evil heart is not one who has no sin, but one, who by virtue of their will, chooses the light, which requires humility. Voluntarily exposing things that bring shame is and act of humility which leads to repentance; with true repentance coming in through the repetition of admission of it, submission of it to the light, which brings about the change of direction; effectively exchanging shame for joy, ashes for beauty, mourning for gladness.
God takes what was once conceived in darkness, through the act of humility in repentance, and through the blood of Christ it is transformed into an act carried out in God. That's the truest picture of grace I can imagine. Taking the very ugliest of things in me and transforming them into His righteousness. But unless I change my mind - which is my acknowledgement of my need for his grace - and decide that I want to love his light and risk the humiliation of exposing my darkest things to it, then I render his grace powerless in my life.
Saturday, February 1, 2014
Preparing for Victory
Reading Exodus Chpt 15. The morning after the Egyptian army was swept away in the Red Sea, Moses led the people in a song to The Lord.
Chpt. 15:14-17 "The peoples have heard; they tremble; pangs have seized the leaders of Moab; all the inhabitants of Canaan have melted away. Terror and dread fall upon them; because of the greatness of your arm, they are still as stone, till the people pass by whom you have purchased. You will bring them in and plant them on your own mountain, the place, O Lord, which you have made for your abode, the sanctuary, O Lord, which your hands have established."
The second half of the song is prophetic. The people of Israel were actually singing prophetically about the victory to COME; the people mentioned in the song are those who are currently occupying the Promised Land. But instead of hearing their own declaration of victory in their song, they believed the bad report that came back from the spies, and as a result they spent 40 years wandering in the desert when that was never God's intent. He had prepared immediate victory for them.
We know that singing and praise and thanksgiving is warfare because that's how we enter His gates and the enemy cannot touch us when we are in His Presence. Why didn't Israel realize this? If they had pondered in their hearts the song The Lord put in their mouths, they would have believed The Lord strong to bring them into the Promised Land.
We all face giants in our lives. They are our struggles, adversaries, fears and obstacles. God does not send these to us, for they are the work of the enemy; but God uses the very things that are meant to destroy us to become our greatest victories, which then become an anointing in our lives to break others free from the same things we have overcome. If I do not understand this; that God has already secured my victory in this area, I will not have the confidence to stand and sing the song of victory he has declared over my life for that circumstance.
So when my giants are present in the land The Lord has said is to be mine, I should lend my ear to hear the song of praise he has actually prepared for me to sing. That is what I stand on when fear knocks at my door and bad reports come my way. How can we know what that song is? Well; what are his prophetic promises for you? What scripture is he leading you to? What worship or praise songs are touching your heart right now? Take those and compile your song of victory and sing it until The Lord shows himself strong.
Saturday, January 25, 2014
I'm Powerful and Free to Understand My Needs
I had a dream last night. In the dream, I had a miniature elephant, giraffe and chimpanzee that I had to take care of. The lived in a small glass aquarium. I was so intrigued by them that I cracked open the lid to touch them, and the chimp climbed out and ran off. I immediately chased after it to try to catch it. I remember feeling like part of me wanted to let it run free, observing that the container they were forced to live in was woefully inadequate and quite inhumane. But on the other end, I remember feeling this pressure like whoever was in charge would be upset at me and I had to follow the instructions given to me. As I ran after the chimp, I glanced over and noticed now the other two had escaped. I finally rounded them up and put them back in their container. The scene changed and I was now in my home (which looked nothing like my home) but I had to clean and prepare for something but the mess around me felt so big and I felt overwhelmed to tackle it on my own. It looked like a city dump or an abandoned warehouse where piles and piles of stuff lay everywhere, all needing my attention.
I asked the Holy Spirit this morning what these meant. I feel like the safari animals represent my trip to South Africa. I feel like what God wants to do is so much bigger than the container I have for it. I'm also feeling that the things I want to experience feel out of my control, that I'm having to contain them instead of let them run free. For the second part, I feel like the mess that feels so big in my life is my finances. I feel like my financial needs are mounting and mounting on top of one another, each one trying to bring with it another layer of hopelessness to tackle it. I feel like the latter is a familiar spirit, like Ben Armstrong was talking about last week in class, and I have to stand in opposition to it.
I felt the Holy Spirit prompting me this morning to lay out my needs. During our Core Value review last week for Free and Responsible there's a point under "What Does It Look Like?" - and one that caught my eye in class was #3: "We understand our needs and are honest at expressing them. We create plans to have our needs fulfilled in healthy ways and restrain from meeting our needs in unhealthy ways." Now, right away that might come across as a cue to avoid immorality or physical pleasures in an unhealthy way. Well I'm not struggling with any of those and I felt the Spirit guiding me to apply this toward my situation. I feel him saying, "Your financial needs, as well as your needs to express your creativity are legitimate needs. Look at your dream; how does this core value apply to your needs? How are you going to CHOOSE to apply it to them?" And I'm like wow; ok.
So I felt like I have this incredible opportunity and obligation to dredge the bottom of my soul and bring to the surface all of my needs currently going unmet, and to lay them before the Lord and give his fire permission to fall upon them.
I have $217 in my bank account. Not enough to take care of my needs and my son's needs until I get paid again.
I need $1275 by Wednesday of next week (Jan 29) to pay for my ticket to South Africa or else I'm off the team. That's the grace period absolute deadline.
I need another $1000 by Feb. 18th for the reminder of the trip.
I need just under $1000 to pay off the rest of my BSSM tuition.
I need $300 to pay off a utility debt from TC that I could not afford to pay off when I moved.
I stopped paying back my student loan last Nov. because of finances. I need a solution for that. I have $20K of student loan debt and no degree to show for it.
I need to be acknowledged and celebrated on my birthday this year. I feel like expressing this need is somehow "cheating"; that people who care about me should do it automatically without having to be reminded.
I am still needing male mentors for my sons. I know God has heard my cry in this area, but I feel like this need is being ignored and overlooked.
I feel (somewhat) hopelessly boxed in by the program structure at BSSM; I feel like I don't have the freedom to pursue multiple creative outlets at once. Even as I look ahead to 2nd year, I feel like I'm having to sacrifice all my other creative desires in order to pursue one. There's not necessarily something wrong with how it's set up, I'm just expressing a need.
I'm feeling discouraged and frustrated in the area of health and achieving a healthy weight for myself. I've changed my diet and adding more exercise, but not seeing great results.
It sucks to be this super vulnerable. It's painful and embarrassing to admit I have needs that I can't fulfill on my own.
OK God; I give all of these to you. I know your plan is better than mine. I want to trade up. I want everything you have for me. The beloved of God knows (that's me) that a problem cannot occur without a promise and provision also being present (thanks for reminding me Graham Cooke)!! So, as David did in the Psalms, I have to encourage my soul in The Lord. So what's the truth to these needs? The truth is, God's my provider; he's not going to leave me hanging in the wind, in fact he's already released provision for my current circumstances. My focus needs to be in positioning myself to receive what's already there. The truth is, God's already promised to provide for my missions trip and my tuition. My focus needs to be on what he is saying about this in my life right now. Listening and seeing what he's doing and wants to do in the spirit. The truth is, he has plans to prosper me, not to harm me, to provide a hope and a future for me. The truth is, I'm highly favored and loved and God has plans to radically bless me on my birthday this year because he loves me. My family and friends love me as well; I don't need to do anything to earn that. The truth is we are meant to live in community and get our needs met in and through other people, not just me and God, which frankly would be SO much easier ;-). The truth is, God is providing my sons everything they need; he is filling in the gaps of our lives and making them perfect in his sight. He has plans to bring the right male influences in their lives and I am free to continue to trust him to fulfill his word. The truth is, I'm focusing on the creative endeavors God wants me to; that I'm not missing out on anything; that he has a plan for every desire he gave me to express my creativity. The truth is, I am beautiful regardless of my body weight; that there is a solution to achieving a healthy weight that God has for me, and declaring and pressing in in this area is key.
The truth is - I've been declaring victory in these areas (most of them) for almost a year now. The truth is, every time I agree with heaven, something in the spirit changes. And what happens in the spirit affects the natural. Things cannot stay the same. Lord I just leave all of these at your feet. Give me what you've already prepared for me. Show me how to receive. Giving is so much easier because it only requires a willingness to give and involves no rejection. But receiving requires that I believe I'm worthy to receive; it requires that I see myself through the lens of heaven - which says I'm a queen, created to rule and reign on this earth. It requires me to believe in Christ's power, displayed trough me - that my words were meant to shake the very foundations of hell and break loose the shackles of bondage to powerlessness. Despite my circumstances; I agree with heaven. I agree with who you say I am God, I agree with the power you have given me, I agree I'm a good steward of every resource you give me, and I agree that my words today are shattering the strongholds of the enemy around my life. I agree with the abundance of resources my Father says is mine. I agree I am wealthy in every area of my life and that I give generously out of that abundance. Your word is Truth, God. Your promises are true and real and for me. Thank you for your goodness towards me Jesus. Thank you for taking everything I deserved and giving me everything you deserve in its place. What a humbling reality.
So this is me processing out loud today; I just feel like there's so much power in vulnerability. That our weapons are vulnerability and humility and trust. My weakness is made perfect through his strength. When I am openly weak, I give him permission to pour out his strength. That's when the magic happens; when the wonders of our imaginations take flight and become real. I hate the process; yet I'm called to love it because it brings me into perfection in Christ. So I choose to love it. It's always my choice. Make me brave, Lord, to keep choosing.
Wednesday, December 4, 2013
Update from Redding
Greetings All from Redding!!
I know it's been some time since my last post, but God is moving in my life in so many amazing ways I had to stop everything to write about it. I have been going after two major areas in my life (besides my boys): an abundant mindset that releases supernatural provision and a supernaturally-healthy lifestyle. I've written declarations for these areas and for two months (the revised ones; I started beginning of this year with declarations) now I've spoken them over myself pretty much daily.
This week is relationship week at Bethel. The tools and strategies for healthy relationships and marriages that have been released are mind blowing to me. They may be old news to everyone else, but not for me. I received more information that I can immediately apply to my life this week than at any other time in my life. God is rocking my world!!
Tuesday night was ladies night and I had an encounter with God when they called forward those who have had eating disorders. I have struggled most of my life with unhealthy view of food and my body and have been going after this area now for 11 months. Something broke off of me and it was like I became a new woman. My heart towards myself and my body is finally beginning to soften; I've asked for strategies from God on how to battle this, and he has heard and delivered!!
I've had amazing financial testimonies - God prompted me yesterday to write out checks to myself from Him; one for $1229.65 (which is the remaining balance of my tuition) and the other for $3,000 (the amount for my missions trip next spring to South Africa). Last night I get a message from someone that says they want to give me $500 toward my missions trip!! Come on Jesus!!!
Last week I discovered a major stronghold in Max's life. For years now he's been shutting down unable to communicate his emotions at all when he experiences anger, fear or pain. It's just something I've learned to deal with, but I've felt all along that there was something else to it that I couldn't put my finger on. A situation arose that revealed finally that Max is a feeler in the spirit. He was at his friend's house and wanted to leave - that's never happened before - this was the second time at this same friend's house. He finally told me that when his friend's parents yell at the boy, Max can feel his friend's sadness and he was too overwhelmed emotionally to stay. I had a chance to minister to my son, explaining to him that what he's experiencing is a gift from God; that God is revealing secrets he's not telling anyone else just to him. And that God is asking you when that happens to pray for that person. So I walked him through this and loved on him. It was such an amazing experience for both of us; it really brought us together. Not only that but it later opened up an opportunity for me to witness to the boy's father!! SO good!!
Today in class we were led in an exercise where we were to ask the Holy Spirit what we needed to do to position myself for marriage (with the idea to think about it before you find yourself there, lol). So one of the things the HS told me was that I should ask my sons what kind of man they would like to see me marry. After talking to Michael for an hour, he finally confesses that he does not want to form any bonds with men including his own dad. I was shocked. He has never spoken of feeling this way ever - not even a hint. He told me he doesn't feel like his dad is his real dad; that he bonded with my ex husband instead of his dad, and when my ex left and severed that relationship, Michael checked out. He had a wonderful loving bond with me and his friends and other adults but not with men. Of course I was shocked and devastated to hear this; but the Lord had me in such peace right away. Like this was the beginning of healing for Michael. What once was hidden in darkness has now been exposed to light; it can never remain the same. I feel so amazing and hopeful about these areas where the enemy has been working to destroy my boys finally coming into the light!!! So I am just praising God right now knowing if he can redeem me, he can surely redeem those boys!!!
I was so blessed by loving notes and gifts sent by my LDP group back in TC!! You guys totally rocked me and I had an opportunity to take Michael out on a date just me and him and treat him like a little gentleman. He told me 3 or 4 times how much he enjoyed our dinner together. It was such a blessing to me - thank you so much!!!
I can feel the weight of my declarations building up in the spirit as spiritual currency for me!! That's the only way I can think of to describe what's happening right now. There is this momentum building in every area of my life where I have been contending for and positioning my heart to finally experience God's massive goodness in my life!! It's very exciting. God has also opened up a business opportunity to me. I've also had a new friend reach out and bless me in the area of nutrition and health and sent me a very generous gift of food for a nutrition program. He's also been preparing me to prepare my paintings to possibly show in local galleries after the first of the year. But most of all I am learning to be a prosperous soul. I am teaching myself through the help of Holy Spirit how to not fear money to see it as a powerful tool and to embrace my calling to be a funnel of resources for God among other things.
And I can't forget about the dreams and visions God has been blessing me with!!! Everything from painting ideas, to movies to video games to videos - I have been drinking in the igniting He has done to my imagination! I already had people tell me how much some of my paintings have affected them and even had a lady tell me I painted her recurring dream she's had all her life!! What?!! SO good!! It rocked me and her!
I asked for a miracle at work yesterday - I had somehow missed the ad deadline for our trade publication for the Christmas ad; my boss was furious. I prayed to God and publicly asked for a miracle in this area. I called the magazine and asked to get the ad in last minute (they were already going to print). I did not expect them to say yes; I knew it was too late but hoped that God would do a miracle. I found out today they accepted my ad and it will go to print!! Come on Jesus!! I am so blessed by that because it has been somewhat tumultuous since I've started school between me and my place of employment.
I can't tell you how much I miss all of you and how I look forward to and long to see you again and to hear how God is moving there in TC and for those of you scattered elsewhere as well. I am doing well. Truth is, I'm still living check to check and I'm behind on some bills still since the move, but I am able to rest in His peace really walking through this knowing He is good, He's my covering, He's not left me alone, He's taking care of me. I pray this finds you half as blessed as I am right now!!
All my love, Jen
I know it's been some time since my last post, but God is moving in my life in so many amazing ways I had to stop everything to write about it. I have been going after two major areas in my life (besides my boys): an abundant mindset that releases supernatural provision and a supernaturally-healthy lifestyle. I've written declarations for these areas and for two months (the revised ones; I started beginning of this year with declarations) now I've spoken them over myself pretty much daily.
This week is relationship week at Bethel. The tools and strategies for healthy relationships and marriages that have been released are mind blowing to me. They may be old news to everyone else, but not for me. I received more information that I can immediately apply to my life this week than at any other time in my life. God is rocking my world!!
Tuesday night was ladies night and I had an encounter with God when they called forward those who have had eating disorders. I have struggled most of my life with unhealthy view of food and my body and have been going after this area now for 11 months. Something broke off of me and it was like I became a new woman. My heart towards myself and my body is finally beginning to soften; I've asked for strategies from God on how to battle this, and he has heard and delivered!!
I've had amazing financial testimonies - God prompted me yesterday to write out checks to myself from Him; one for $1229.65 (which is the remaining balance of my tuition) and the other for $3,000 (the amount for my missions trip next spring to South Africa). Last night I get a message from someone that says they want to give me $500 toward my missions trip!! Come on Jesus!!!
Last week I discovered a major stronghold in Max's life. For years now he's been shutting down unable to communicate his emotions at all when he experiences anger, fear or pain. It's just something I've learned to deal with, but I've felt all along that there was something else to it that I couldn't put my finger on. A situation arose that revealed finally that Max is a feeler in the spirit. He was at his friend's house and wanted to leave - that's never happened before - this was the second time at this same friend's house. He finally told me that when his friend's parents yell at the boy, Max can feel his friend's sadness and he was too overwhelmed emotionally to stay. I had a chance to minister to my son, explaining to him that what he's experiencing is a gift from God; that God is revealing secrets he's not telling anyone else just to him. And that God is asking you when that happens to pray for that person. So I walked him through this and loved on him. It was such an amazing experience for both of us; it really brought us together. Not only that but it later opened up an opportunity for me to witness to the boy's father!! SO good!!
Today in class we were led in an exercise where we were to ask the Holy Spirit what we needed to do to position myself for marriage (with the idea to think about it before you find yourself there, lol). So one of the things the HS told me was that I should ask my sons what kind of man they would like to see me marry. After talking to Michael for an hour, he finally confesses that he does not want to form any bonds with men including his own dad. I was shocked. He has never spoken of feeling this way ever - not even a hint. He told me he doesn't feel like his dad is his real dad; that he bonded with my ex husband instead of his dad, and when my ex left and severed that relationship, Michael checked out. He had a wonderful loving bond with me and his friends and other adults but not with men. Of course I was shocked and devastated to hear this; but the Lord had me in such peace right away. Like this was the beginning of healing for Michael. What once was hidden in darkness has now been exposed to light; it can never remain the same. I feel so amazing and hopeful about these areas where the enemy has been working to destroy my boys finally coming into the light!!! So I am just praising God right now knowing if he can redeem me, he can surely redeem those boys!!!
I was so blessed by loving notes and gifts sent by my LDP group back in TC!! You guys totally rocked me and I had an opportunity to take Michael out on a date just me and him and treat him like a little gentleman. He told me 3 or 4 times how much he enjoyed our dinner together. It was such a blessing to me - thank you so much!!!
I can feel the weight of my declarations building up in the spirit as spiritual currency for me!! That's the only way I can think of to describe what's happening right now. There is this momentum building in every area of my life where I have been contending for and positioning my heart to finally experience God's massive goodness in my life!! It's very exciting. God has also opened up a business opportunity to me. I've also had a new friend reach out and bless me in the area of nutrition and health and sent me a very generous gift of food for a nutrition program. He's also been preparing me to prepare my paintings to possibly show in local galleries after the first of the year. But most of all I am learning to be a prosperous soul. I am teaching myself through the help of Holy Spirit how to not fear money to see it as a powerful tool and to embrace my calling to be a funnel of resources for God among other things.
And I can't forget about the dreams and visions God has been blessing me with!!! Everything from painting ideas, to movies to video games to videos - I have been drinking in the igniting He has done to my imagination! I already had people tell me how much some of my paintings have affected them and even had a lady tell me I painted her recurring dream she's had all her life!! What?!! SO good!! It rocked me and her!
I asked for a miracle at work yesterday - I had somehow missed the ad deadline for our trade publication for the Christmas ad; my boss was furious. I prayed to God and publicly asked for a miracle in this area. I called the magazine and asked to get the ad in last minute (they were already going to print). I did not expect them to say yes; I knew it was too late but hoped that God would do a miracle. I found out today they accepted my ad and it will go to print!! Come on Jesus!! I am so blessed by that because it has been somewhat tumultuous since I've started school between me and my place of employment.
I can't tell you how much I miss all of you and how I look forward to and long to see you again and to hear how God is moving there in TC and for those of you scattered elsewhere as well. I am doing well. Truth is, I'm still living check to check and I'm behind on some bills still since the move, but I am able to rest in His peace really walking through this knowing He is good, He's my covering, He's not left me alone, He's taking care of me. I pray this finds you half as blessed as I am right now!!
All my love, Jen
Saturday, November 16, 2013
Missions to South Africa
Hello All,
I know it's been a while since I blogged. Life has been so incredibly busy since we moved here, but so, so good. I wrote a Facebook status last month about my mission trip assignment at Bethel and what that looked like for me. Here's the post. What I want to do now is to share with you my growing heart for this missions trip and what my needs are as far as funding.
I had a meeting Thursday night at Rich & Danielle Schmidt's house for our first missions trip meeting. They are the pastor couple who will be leading our group next spring. I met just under 20 others who will be going, some of whom I already know. God really stirred up my heart during this meeting with hints of how profound this trip is and what my part to play in it may be.
It is an honor to serve on this team. Here's a breakdown of my trip and the costs:
As you can see, my first deposit deadline is Nov. 19th and I'm supposed to have $275 raised - so far I have $0. The Lord has already performed great financial miracles in my life thus far getting me from Traverse City to Redding, and in providing supernaturally for much of my tuition so far. The Lord has provided for me so far over $3,000 toward tuition, much of which has come from support from you and others. He has graciously made available to me a payment schedule for my tuition of $330 per month until it's paid off. I still owe $1360.00 toward tuition and now my missions trip is $2,750.00. It seems and feels huge and out of my reach, but thank God I am a daughter to the richest man in the universe!! My King Jesus is ruler over all and I know he delights in providing for me.
I want to invite you to partner with me in my journey toward the center of God for my life. Coming to Bethel was the best decision I ever made and I know I am in the center of his will for me right now, and honestly it feels amazing. To those of you back home who continually love and support and pray for me, my love for you is too immense to describe in words. We have truly become part of one body, learning to love and serve each other as true sons and daughters. I love you and thank God for you every day.
Bless you and thank you for following my journey! xo Jen
To Donate towards Missions or Tuition here's the link:
https://www.ibssm.org/a/donate/search?search%5Bstudent_name%5D=Jen+Street
You can click on dante to missions or donate to tuition - both are still needed! :-) Thank you.
I know it's been a while since I blogged. Life has been so incredibly busy since we moved here, but so, so good. I wrote a Facebook status last month about my mission trip assignment at Bethel and what that looked like for me. Here's the post. What I want to do now is to share with you my growing heart for this missions trip and what my needs are as far as funding.
I had a meeting Thursday night at Rich & Danielle Schmidt's house for our first missions trip meeting. They are the pastor couple who will be leading our group next spring. I met just under 20 others who will be going, some of whom I already know. God really stirred up my heart during this meeting with hints of how profound this trip is and what my part to play in it may be.
It is an honor to serve on this team. Here's a breakdown of my trip and the costs:
As you can see, my first deposit deadline is Nov. 19th and I'm supposed to have $275 raised - so far I have $0. The Lord has already performed great financial miracles in my life thus far getting me from Traverse City to Redding, and in providing supernaturally for much of my tuition so far. The Lord has provided for me so far over $3,000 toward tuition, much of which has come from support from you and others. He has graciously made available to me a payment schedule for my tuition of $330 per month until it's paid off. I still owe $1360.00 toward tuition and now my missions trip is $2,750.00. It seems and feels huge and out of my reach, but thank God I am a daughter to the richest man in the universe!! My King Jesus is ruler over all and I know he delights in providing for me.
I want to invite you to partner with me in my journey toward the center of God for my life. Coming to Bethel was the best decision I ever made and I know I am in the center of his will for me right now, and honestly it feels amazing. To those of you back home who continually love and support and pray for me, my love for you is too immense to describe in words. We have truly become part of one body, learning to love and serve each other as true sons and daughters. I love you and thank God for you every day.
Bless you and thank you for following my journey! xo Jen
To Donate towards Missions or Tuition here's the link:
https://www.ibssm.org/a/donate/search?search%5Bstudent_name%5D=Jen+Street
You can click on dante to missions or donate to tuition - both are still needed! :-) Thank you.
Monday, October 7, 2013
Facing Fear and Finding Freedom with Friends
Today was an amazing day; our Revival Group for 1st Year BSSM went to Mountain Chapel in Weaverville, CA to do a ropes course. The whole day was about me (and everyone else) letting God purge our fears, if we were up for the challenge. After the general assembly, we were released into groups for challenges. Then we were paired up where one person was blindfolded leading the other around an obstacle course - nothing death defying - but like stairs and logs and stuff. It was so amazing. I had a great young man leading me and it was amazing, he made me feel totally safe. Oh and we weren't allowed to talk.
At lunch, I had a different fear hit me totally unrelated to the course. A little background. I work full time at home while going to school, but I did not ask for the day off from work. The reason I didn't was because I had decided to go at the last minute (after I got someone to look after my boys) and I had asked my boss last Friday for a raise. Now I've been working for him since 2007 without a raise. I just woke up Friday and something in me said - ask for a raise - so I did. He said no, that they were actually cutting back. Well, because I had just taken 3 days off two weeks before for the camping intensive for school, and because I had just asked him for a raise and he said no, I was afraid he'd think I was out job hunting today. Mondays are usually pretty quiet so I decided not to say anything.
Well I get done with lunch and there's an email asking for a quick little change to something I did last week. I had no choice to but to tell him. It really brought fear out in me I though I'd already dealt with. And this was the exact thing I've been asking God to deal with in me, that I want to be rid of all my fears of man. So we get back to the course and my phone messes up and so I just was like "I have to turn this off, I can't focus on this I need to focus on what God has in front of me".
So the next part of the course was the ropes. We got all harnessed up and ready to go. The first level is about 10 feet off the ground, the second is maybe double. The first challenge was we had to walk backwards on this log suspended in the air, while keeping our hands on each other's shoulders the whole way. We totally did it. The next one we had to do this Frankenstein walk across the wires - again we had to remain touching each other but we weren't allowed to touch our own ropes!! It was intense!! So Tim got on first and then Kim did and then I'm like "I can't do this!!!" And Kim's like "Oh yes you can" and so I was like "Ok" in my scared little girl voice, and oh my gosh it was so tense and scary!!! But we did it! And we didn't fall which was a miracle lol for me at least. The last one was really hard we had to walk across these logs except they got further away from each other the farther we walked down them. Again we had to touch together as a group - three on one side and three on the other with one from each side reaching across to grab hands. It was crazy intense, but we totally did it!
When we got down they brought us around to ask about the high ropes. My body was still so tensed up - my thighs and calves and feet and hands were cramping from being so tense. I really wanted to do it but I was afraid that my stamina wouldn't last; once you're up there you're in all the way, there's no climbing down. After debating I decided not to do it, but I totally felt the freedom to make that choice without fear or shame or failure. It was such an amazing experience. My team ROCKED!!
I knew when I came to school that balancing school and work was going to be a challenge and I knew there'd be days that would put me in situations that may cost me my job. But I made that choice trusting that God is my provider and he is the one who takes care of me, that this isn't hard for him. And what I realized today is that's a choice I keep making every day. Each day I keep choosing God in my life, my circumstances, for provision and love and comfort and my needs. He brought me here to learn how to live in community based on the foundation of the presence of God and his goodness. And the more I'm here, the more I realize how connected we are supposed to be to one another, how our destinies are so intertwined, and how much looking out for the interests of others really deposits so much wealth into our spiritual bank accounts. Like none of us can get to where we are supposed to be going without each other. We need the power, momentum and favor of the group to propel ourselves into our destinies.
Alone, we are powerless against the winds of change that come to swoop us off the high wire of life; but with friends, with a community based on honor and love and not cutting down and competition and insecurity, but one of mutual uplifting and encouragement and respect we are able to lock down and gain from each other's strengths to weather the storms of our lives. This was such a powerful experience, one I hope soon I can do again with my sons, and one day I would love to do with my sisters.
Thank you Lord for where you are leading me. I am ready to close my eyes, take your hand, and follow you wherever you want to take me. I trust it's going to be amazing, astounding, exciting and maybe even scary. But when I choose to know your goodness even in the midst of circumstances that don't look or feel good, I know you're powerful to rise up and calm the storm with but a whisper.
At lunch, I had a different fear hit me totally unrelated to the course. A little background. I work full time at home while going to school, but I did not ask for the day off from work. The reason I didn't was because I had decided to go at the last minute (after I got someone to look after my boys) and I had asked my boss last Friday for a raise. Now I've been working for him since 2007 without a raise. I just woke up Friday and something in me said - ask for a raise - so I did. He said no, that they were actually cutting back. Well, because I had just taken 3 days off two weeks before for the camping intensive for school, and because I had just asked him for a raise and he said no, I was afraid he'd think I was out job hunting today. Mondays are usually pretty quiet so I decided not to say anything.
Well I get done with lunch and there's an email asking for a quick little change to something I did last week. I had no choice to but to tell him. It really brought fear out in me I though I'd already dealt with. And this was the exact thing I've been asking God to deal with in me, that I want to be rid of all my fears of man. So we get back to the course and my phone messes up and so I just was like "I have to turn this off, I can't focus on this I need to focus on what God has in front of me".
So the next part of the course was the ropes. We got all harnessed up and ready to go. The first level is about 10 feet off the ground, the second is maybe double. The first challenge was we had to walk backwards on this log suspended in the air, while keeping our hands on each other's shoulders the whole way. We totally did it. The next one we had to do this Frankenstein walk across the wires - again we had to remain touching each other but we weren't allowed to touch our own ropes!! It was intense!! So Tim got on first and then Kim did and then I'm like "I can't do this!!!" And Kim's like "Oh yes you can" and so I was like "Ok" in my scared little girl voice, and oh my gosh it was so tense and scary!!! But we did it! And we didn't fall which was a miracle lol for me at least. The last one was really hard we had to walk across these logs except they got further away from each other the farther we walked down them. Again we had to touch together as a group - three on one side and three on the other with one from each side reaching across to grab hands. It was crazy intense, but we totally did it!
When we got down they brought us around to ask about the high ropes. My body was still so tensed up - my thighs and calves and feet and hands were cramping from being so tense. I really wanted to do it but I was afraid that my stamina wouldn't last; once you're up there you're in all the way, there's no climbing down. After debating I decided not to do it, but I totally felt the freedom to make that choice without fear or shame or failure. It was such an amazing experience. My team ROCKED!!
I knew when I came to school that balancing school and work was going to be a challenge and I knew there'd be days that would put me in situations that may cost me my job. But I made that choice trusting that God is my provider and he is the one who takes care of me, that this isn't hard for him. And what I realized today is that's a choice I keep making every day. Each day I keep choosing God in my life, my circumstances, for provision and love and comfort and my needs. He brought me here to learn how to live in community based on the foundation of the presence of God and his goodness. And the more I'm here, the more I realize how connected we are supposed to be to one another, how our destinies are so intertwined, and how much looking out for the interests of others really deposits so much wealth into our spiritual bank accounts. Like none of us can get to where we are supposed to be going without each other. We need the power, momentum and favor of the group to propel ourselves into our destinies.
Alone, we are powerless against the winds of change that come to swoop us off the high wire of life; but with friends, with a community based on honor and love and not cutting down and competition and insecurity, but one of mutual uplifting and encouragement and respect we are able to lock down and gain from each other's strengths to weather the storms of our lives. This was such a powerful experience, one I hope soon I can do again with my sons, and one day I would love to do with my sisters.
Thank you Lord for where you are leading me. I am ready to close my eyes, take your hand, and follow you wherever you want to take me. I trust it's going to be amazing, astounding, exciting and maybe even scary. But when I choose to know your goodness even in the midst of circumstances that don't look or feel good, I know you're powerful to rise up and calm the storm with but a whisper.
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